Night One - Part Two

Having Carlos approach Mary and repeat the thing that I had just said to everyone (“Imagine the sort of awesome fucking job that would let you drunkenly masturbate during the interview,” which could be construed as crass, you know, out of context), isn’t exactly the first impression I would want her to have of us but it gets her attention. She’s taken aback, but when we manage to tell her that about Elvis Crespo, and Carlos throws in his award-winning masturbation gesture a few times, for emphasis, Mary says “Well, if it's a long flight, that’s okay then.”



And so masturbation forms the foundation for our getting to know Mary. We find out that she is Irish, that she holds a dual citizenship with Ireland, and has been on numerous long flights between here and there in her life, to visit family. We find out about her family and her numerous nephews and cousins, and that she was married for three years, now divorced. We also find out that she’s at Galway bay to see if a coked-out ex-boyfriend had left her keys here, as it’s one of his favorite haunts (coke fiends, D&D Archaeologists and Dalmations take note: Galway Bay is for you). Considering the way we start the conversation, I’m surprised that Mary relaxes her tentative demeanor, but as she figures out that we're friendly (or at least harmless) people, she treats us all like old friends.

And so Carlos, Anna, Mary, Chris and I slip into easy conversations about where exactly it is appropriate to masturbate outside of your home, (use a bathroom, Crespo), and how it should be handled (with a businesslike stoicism), tattoos on breasts (bad idea), what sort of relationship Carlos and Anne have (they’re young, but they have a familiarity you usually see in older couples), the fact that Galway Bay has free popcorn (awesome) Dalmatians in general (pretty worthless, if you’re being honest about it), and that particular Dalmatian sitting on that everloving barstool (what the fuck, right?). Mary tells us more about the incident with the coked-up ex-boyfriend, Anna offers us all shots, but only she and Mary have one, and Carlos is throwing baskets of free popcorn at us, refilling them, and making the world famous Carlos Masturbation Gesture (patent pending). It's about then that I realize we’ve only been there for an hour. A few moments after that realization the second dog attacks me, and its now that I pretty much scream like a small, easily frightened girl.

Okay.

I may be exaggerating the dog attack slightly. First, this dog was about the size of a two-liter soda bottle, and it didn’t so much attack me as try to get past me in order to get to the vast amount of popcorn that Carlos is throwing at us. Still, Mary's ‘small, terrified girl’ descriptor is incredibly accurate.

The bar is filling up now, but everyone seems bound in tight little clumps, including our group. Chris has a birthday party to attend and invites me to come with him. Mary doesn’t have any plans and has given up finding her keys tonight, so she takes another shot offered by Anna, and says she’ll come with. We start to get ourselves together and I note that the two dogs in the bar are on opposite sides of the room. I wonder how you can bring a dog into a bar, see that there’s another dog in the bar, and not let your dog hang out with the other dog. I decide that both sets of dog owners are straight-up jerks.

As we’re saying goodbye to Carlos Anna emerges from one of the back rooms and tells me, conspiratorially, that she’s trying to pick up a girl for a threesome. Again, she’s very, very drunk. She says that she doesn’t know how to flirt with girls and has been just walking up and propositioning them. So, before I leave Galway Bay, where I’ve seen two dogs, learned about Elvis Crespo, discussed masturbation with three strangers and had about a metric ton of popcorn thrown at me, I find myself advising a stranger on how to pick up another woman for a threesome. I give the best advice that I can, based on the movie and forum-based literature scenarios I’ve encountered, and she seems grateful, hugging me goodbye.

Chris, Mary and I climb the stairs that lead us back out to Diversey, where we head west to a birthday party. I think I should note, I agreed to attend this party before I found out where it was.

Saturday Night
(Part Two)

Trader Todd’s

3216 Sheffield Ave
Chicago, IL

Time: 900pm
Cost: Dignity

I’ve been to Trader Todd’s once. Once. I sang Bay City Rollers Saturday Night during their Karaoke night and was met with smug disapproval, which is about half of the reason that I don’t care for the place. The other half is the crowd and the general atmosphere of the place, which I like to think of as “crowded”. Tonight, however, I’m delighted to find that Trader Todd’s is fucking crowded, with most of the throng (a word I usually reserve for packs of feral dogs or an army comprised of Orcs) concentrated near the 5x5 Karaoke stage near the rear. But Chris tells me that the party group is in the back, and we push our way through the crowd to a sparsely populated and incredibly pleasant back room.

I meet birthday Mike and a couple that Chris knows, and when that couple leaves, they give us their table. Chris runs into a girl that he has seen but doesn’t really know from work, a petite, heavily tattooed girl named Mercy. Mercy is there with her boyfriend (who is half of the group Ask You In Grey, an electro, techno, nerd, pop, synth, duo; all Mercy’s words), and her friend Erin. We all start talking, but Mary has had way too much to drink, so I offer to get her home since she doesn’t have a key to the building and also can’t currently walk. We take a cab back to our building and I help her up to her apartment, then walk back to Trader Todd’s. When I get back Chris is sitting at a different table with Mercy and Erin, and I join them.

We’re not too far into a conversation about how long we’ve all lived into Chicago, and where we’re all from, when Erin somehow segues into a conversation about the difficult time she’s had going out in Chicago and meeting people. For a moment, I think that Chris has told them what I’m up to and they’re joking with me, but she’s very sincere. She says that there are so many incredible things in this city, she mentions about five concerts she wanted to see, but she doesn’t know anyone to ask. That she’d like to take advantage of living in this city, but just doesn’t know how, exactly.

Chris prefaces what he says next with an apology for how it’s going to sound and then proceeds to tell Erin that if she just ‘puts out’ for the city, that’s when the city will open up to her. Having read that in print, I’ll go ahead and apologize for how what Chris said is going to read. But I assure you that the way that Chris says it sounds right even though he uses the term ‘put out.’ Based on this evening, I have to agree as I certainly wouldn’t have met anyone at all sitting in my apartment. I feel the same way that Erin does, and the sort of proactive nature that you have to adopt if you’re someone who didn’t move to the city with a throng of friends (feral dogs, Orcs, or otherwise) is an intimidating one. Even with Chris, walking into an unfamiliar bar with the express purpose of talking to strangers is daunting, but it’s necessary, and I think that most people in this city are friendlier and more open to meeting you than you would think.

We talk some more, I chat with birthday Mike, and get a flashy pencil (black with red, hot rod flames) out of an abandoned gift bag, and Chris and when the party winds down a little further, Chris and I leave through the still fucking crowded front room. We recap the evening until we get to the corner of Belmont and Sheffield, where we have to part ways. We’re both completely stunned at how well it all went, but while I’m walking back home, I begin to realize that I didn’t really accomplish what I set out to accomplish here. Bringing Chris along helped with my nerves, but in the end, he met Anna, who introduced us to Carlos, who stunned Mary into talking with us. The people at the birthday party were Chris’s friends, or at least good acquaintances. Looking back at the evening, I’m glad that I met the people that I met, but I don’t feel like I really… met any of them myself. I decide that next time I’ll have to man up and go it alone.

I’m walking south down Clark Street when I think this, and walking towards me are two guys, mid-20s, in clothes that don’t fit into any distinctive style. They’re both smiling so broadly that it speaks a little more of drug use than simple friendliness. One of them has a hand up, clearing looking for a high-five. When I high-five him (because this is America, and you high five strangers in America) he grabs onto my hand and starts talking. He thanks me and gently taps his forehead with my hand. He does this a lot, actually, and never lets go of my hand, holding it, shaking it and touching it to his forehead.

Benny, the head tapper, introduces himself and Jeremiah, his slightly smaller friend who nods slightly when I shake his hand with my still free left hand. They’re looking for a bar that I’m not exactly familiar with, but I tell him that I think it’s just up the road and Benny thanks me saying that he loves me more than a grilled cheddar and swiss cheese sandwich on white bread. I tell him that nobody actually loves anybody that much, but that I’m flattered. Benny repeats himself, this time throwing in a glass of cold 2% milk. I tell him that he’s going to make me blush and he leans in tells me in a husky (somehow not creepy) whisper not to burst any capillaries on his account. They invite me to come with them to find the mysterious bar and I tell them that I’ve can’t. I tell them that I’m really tired, which is the truth. They may come across as creepy in the retelling, but they were funny and seemed just to be roaming around, high, and having fun. Still, I part company after one final head tap, and walk home.

The next morning, I wake up seeing the black pencil with the deep red flames up and down the side, and it takes me a moment to remember why I own something like this. After breakfast I have to go down the street to get some money for laundry, and later on I’m going to see some people that I know, and it looks to be a pleasant, easy Sunday. I step out onto the sidewalk, into the sun, still wringing out the details of the night before and already thinking about what to do next.

Totals:
Places Visited: 2
People Met: 9
Saw movies seen (as of this date): 5
Saw movies seen (as of next month): 6
Bike Messenger Types Spoken To: 0
Crosses of Coronado: 1
Crosses of Coronado (in museum): 0
Chutings or Ladderings: 0
Times Punched: 0
Dogs (seen): 2
Dogs (attacked by): 1
Dog attacks (exaggerated): 1
Extraordinary Grilled Sandwiches I am Like (cheese, accompanied by 2% milk): 1