Recently, a play that I wrote entitled "The Untimely Death of Adolf Hitler" was accepted into Sketchbook, a short play festival here in Chicago produced by Collaboraction, a ecclectic and fun theatre company. I'm a big fan of Collaboraction, because their shows are always unique and they aren't afraid to take chances. For example, in their upcoming Sketchbook, they are featuring a play entitled "The Untimely Death of Adolf Hitler."
I've seen three iterations of Sketchbook and have loved each of them. They present a 7 page plays, pauses briefly (they usually fill these pauses with musical acts, the first year this was two guys who rebuilt children's toys into instruments that they'd use to play house music), then present the next play in a different area. This usually causes most everyone to shift around, if not move en masse to another part of the space.
I also appreciate the philosphy behind this festival. During a recent podcast, Artistic Director Anthony Mosely and Assistant Festival Director Drew Dir describe the event as a social one, noting that the fact that the staging of these plays shifts throughout the evening, and the general seating structure are both designed to promote interaction between audience members. They go so far as to say they base part of Sketchbook's success on how many people meet and communicate on a given evening.
This, along with the various events and meet and greets are sure to fill up a good many blog entries, for sure. For example, last Friday I attended the inagural meet and greet at Collaboraction's offices, which went great (despite an odd, very minor panic attack I had on the way there). So, I'm psyched about all of the above, but, sadly, I hit a snag early on in this process.
I don't have too many pet peeves, and only one that makes me really angry (ruining the endings of movies, I'll cut a motherfucker over that, best believe). One of the lesser pet peeves is putting an 's' on the end of my last name. It happens all the time, and, like I said, I'm used to it.
So, when Collaboraction announced the plays for this year's festival and listed me as Andy Griggs. Whatever, no big deal. I took it in stride, sending a quick email to someone. Then when it was reprinted in a press release, I sent another light, good-hearted (but brief) email to someone else at Collaboraction. Then it happened two more times.
Again, these things happen and this company has about five-hunderty-billion people to keep track of, so I'm not actually upset here. But, I decided to try something slightly different, and hopefully memorable, in sending the email below, reprinted in it's entirety, for your reading pleasure.
Again, plenty of awkward meetings coming up - and hearing all about me freaking out about some drinks with fun-loving people... that'll be great, right? But first, let's all look at how clever I am:
Dear Fine Collaboraction People,
I've done a great deal of cursory research and I can report that legally changing one's name in this great state of ours is far too difficult and expensive.
First of all, it requires filling out a three page form. Three pages! Can you imagine? (No, you cannot) Plus you have to have someone else sign an affidavit (which I thought was something Law & Order made up) and get a Notary Public to... publicate it or whatever. Then you have to take that and a 'name change judgment form' (they don't even SAY how many pages that is) and go to Daley Plaza to file it. On top of all that outrage-inducing busy work, those government fat cats then fleece you out of $329 for something called a filing fee! That ain't the America I grew up in, folks! Hell, that isn't the Communist Russia I grew up in! That isn't even the Communist Mexico I grew up in, if I’m being honest.
So it is with sad regret that I write to inform you that I am too poor and cannot be bothered enough to legally change my name from the current "Andy Grigg" to the seemingly universally preferred "Andy Griggs" as listed in Sketchbook's recent press and the Sketchbook Information Guide I received today. A further saddening fact in all of this is that this means I won't be able to change my truly boring middle name (Nathan) to any of the things I'd always wanted to change it to: "PunchKick!" or "Robot-Laser" or "F'n" or "Ivan Drago from Rocky III" or "Andys" or "Literally" or "Rock You Like a Hurricane."
So we seem to be at an impasse as to printing my name. You really want to call me Andy Griggs and I don’t want to deal with The Man and his forms and fees and general fat-cattery. But, good news, there's absolutely no reason to worry because bureaucracy notwithstanding, I've decided to go ahead and take action (whether that action can be deemed "Collabor" level will be up to you. I certainly hope so, for all our sakes). So, without further ado, here are some suggestions as to how we can get my name to really "pop" - or "stick" - or "be vaguely rememberable" (if ‘rememberable’ were actually a word).
Here are my humble suggestions:
I've seen three iterations of Sketchbook and have loved each of them. They present a 7 page plays, pauses briefly (they usually fill these pauses with musical acts, the first year this was two guys who rebuilt children's toys into instruments that they'd use to play house music), then present the next play in a different area. This usually causes most everyone to shift around, if not move en masse to another part of the space.
I also appreciate the philosphy behind this festival. During a recent podcast, Artistic Director Anthony Mosely and Assistant Festival Director Drew Dir describe the event as a social one, noting that the fact that the staging of these plays shifts throughout the evening, and the general seating structure are both designed to promote interaction between audience members. They go so far as to say they base part of Sketchbook's success on how many people meet and communicate on a given evening.
This, along with the various events and meet and greets are sure to fill up a good many blog entries, for sure. For example, last Friday I attended the inagural meet and greet at Collaboraction's offices, which went great (despite an odd, very minor panic attack I had on the way there). So, I'm psyched about all of the above, but, sadly, I hit a snag early on in this process.
I don't have too many pet peeves, and only one that makes me really angry (ruining the endings of movies, I'll cut a motherfucker over that, best believe). One of the lesser pet peeves is putting an 's' on the end of my last name. It happens all the time, and, like I said, I'm used to it.
So, when Collaboraction announced the plays for this year's festival and listed me as Andy Griggs. Whatever, no big deal. I took it in stride, sending a quick email to someone. Then when it was reprinted in a press release, I sent another light, good-hearted (but brief) email to someone else at Collaboraction. Then it happened two more times.
Again, these things happen and this company has about five-hunderty-billion people to keep track of, so I'm not actually upset here. But, I decided to try something slightly different, and hopefully memorable, in sending the email below, reprinted in it's entirety, for your reading pleasure.
Again, plenty of awkward meetings coming up - and hearing all about me freaking out about some drinks with fun-loving people... that'll be great, right? But first, let's all look at how clever I am:
Dear Fine Collaboraction People,
I've done a great deal of cursory research and I can report that legally changing one's name in this great state of ours is far too difficult and expensive.
First of all, it requires filling out a three page form. Three pages! Can you imagine? (No, you cannot) Plus you have to have someone else sign an affidavit (which I thought was something Law & Order made up) and get a Notary Public to... publicate it or whatever. Then you have to take that and a 'name change judgment form' (they don't even SAY how many pages that is) and go to Daley Plaza to file it. On top of all that outrage-inducing busy work, those government fat cats then fleece you out of $329 for something called a filing fee! That ain't the America I grew up in, folks! Hell, that isn't the Communist Russia I grew up in! That isn't even the Communist Mexico I grew up in, if I’m being honest.
So it is with sad regret that I write to inform you that I am too poor and cannot be bothered enough to legally change my name from the current "Andy Grigg" to the seemingly universally preferred "Andy Griggs" as listed in Sketchbook's recent press and the Sketchbook Information Guide I received today. A further saddening fact in all of this is that this means I won't be able to change my truly boring middle name (Nathan) to any of the things I'd always wanted to change it to: "PunchKick!" or "Robot-Laser" or "F'n" or "Ivan Drago from Rocky III" or "Andys" or "Literally" or "Rock You Like a Hurricane."
So we seem to be at an impasse as to printing my name. You really want to call me Andy Griggs and I don’t want to deal with The Man and his forms and fees and general fat-cattery. But, good news, there's absolutely no reason to worry because bureaucracy notwithstanding, I've decided to go ahead and take action (whether that action can be deemed "Collabor" level will be up to you. I certainly hope so, for all our sakes). So, without further ado, here are some suggestions as to how we can get my name to really "pop" - or "stick" - or "be vaguely rememberable" (if ‘rememberable’ were actually a word).
Here are my humble suggestions:
Suggestion One: Have an office-wide “Call Everybody a Country-Western Star Day!”
Sadly for me, this person exists:
So I propose that for one solid day, everyone in your offices refers to everyone else by a country music star’s name. Sure, a scant few people won’t mind if you call them Keith Urban or Randy Travis but those people are “country music fans” or, as I call them, “wrong about music.” For everyone else, who recognizes that literally every other style of music is more valid than country music (even Ska for God’s sake – Ska! And this email is the first time anyone has mentioned Ska in fifteen years!), this day will certainly be a horrible experience. However, they will walk away stronger for it, and will henceforth do a quick double-check before they print the names of innocent, blessedly non-country-music-affiliated people with names like, I don’t know, Tim McGraws, or Kenny Rodger, or Dixie Chick, or Carrie Overwood.
Suggestion Two: Give me $329
I'll level with you, folks, the walking around part of the name changing rigamarole was the least of my worries. I’m happy to admit that it’s pretty much the money standing between me and pluralization. So, if you manage to scrounge up $329 (bake sale, robbery, do whatever you’re comfortable with, the getting of the money is up to you – make it a fun game!) and give that money to me, I will march right into Daley Plaza and then march right back out of Daley Plaza and buy a bunch of things for myself. Basically, what I’m saying is that if you give me $329, I’ll just shut up about it.
(Note: This is my favorite suggestion, if that means anything)
Suggestion Three: Change your name
I just now pretended to look on the internet to see what a group like Collaboraction would have to do to change its name and guess what? I’m pretending that the answer is: “Nothing at all!” So, if you’ll change your company name to ‘Collaboractions’ I’ll take that as a moving gesture expressing solidarity and will furthermore wear my incorrect name with pride. And think! What a buzz you could create by renaming everything you do and ever have done, as well! Sketchbooks! The Intelligent Design of Jenny Chows! The Lives and Time of Tulsa Lovechild! (That last one is subtle, but you have to make them work for it sometimes) That’d generate a lot of press for sure, and, like they say, there’s no such thing as bad press. Of course, ‘they’ are generally unspecific about “confusing press” – so, I’ll be honest, it’s a bit of a risk.
Suggestion Four: Allow yourself to be deeply affected by the following somewhat true, personal anecdote
I first saw Collaboractions’ Sketchbooks three years ago, and was completely blown away. Throughout the performance I said to myself, “Some day, I'm going to get a play into this thing. Just you wait and see.” So you can imagine how excited I was when I got the email saying that I’d gotten into your festival. Me! Andy [last name to be determined]! I immediately set about telling my many, many successful playwright colleges and, well, let me just say that they were nearly existent with envy. In all seriousness, that show was amazing, as was each subsequent Sketchbook! The dedication and talent was humbling and the originality of the works and the imagination throughout the production was awe-inspiring and overwhelming! I was genuinely honored to get my work accepted this year.
So, like any honored, dedicated artist – I needed to lord it over everyone I knew right away (and then continue to lord it over them, that would never really ever stop). Sadly, having my name spelled wrong so often is making that pretty difficult, especially with the whole country music guy thing. It’s not your fault, Collaboractions, it’s my friends and their petty inability to let me tell them how great I truly, truly am. So, maybe you could help this humble kid from the rough streets of Oklahoma, who pulled himself up by his bootstraps to be a vaguely successful Administrative Assistant and writer – a simple kid just trying to make a few people feel like they’re not nearly as important as he is… maybe you could help that kid out. Maybe.
So, those are my suggestions, Collaboraction Folks and I hope that one of them works for you. And I further hope that the one about giving me money is the one that works for you – seriously, for $329 you can call me Andy Doodiepants, whatever, I don’t care. But, whichever way you chose to go with this, I hope that we can move forward and work together to achieve what we both want to accomplish, artistically.
Again, what we both want to accomplish artistically is the whole making my friends feel inferior to my brilliance thing.
I know that we can do it, Collaboraction. I know we can.
Thank you very much,
---Andy Grigg
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