S&M House Party - Los Angeles

S&M House Party - Los Angeles

“This… up here… this is called a yolk.”

- Dmytrie

D&D 101 (Chicago Nerd Social Club) - Dice Dojo

D&D 101 (Chicago Nerd Social Club) - Dice Dojo

What I could do is point out that where you don’t see ponytails, you see hair being pushed behind ears. And facial hair. There’s plenty of facial hair. It’s mostly goatees, but you can see the occasional Gandalf beard or wild thatch of character-based sideburn. What I could do is crack wise about how there are enough pewter, fantasy-themed necklaces to fill an entire mall kiosk or enough ironic t-shirts to clothe every citizen of Ironicstan. Or Witsylvania. Or the planet Sarcastica. I could snide it up about the “Kneel Before Zod” cross-stitch, the villains of Star Wars wall mural, and the Battlestar Galactica… well, the pretty much every Battlestar Galactica thing ever that could be considered load-bearing in this nerdly hut. In fact, I’d planned on it. Relished the opportunity. (I mean, just look at me hypothetically go, for God’s sake: “Ironicstan”? Take that, nerds!)


But after I give it some thought, I come to the conclusion that I can’t make fun of these folks or their Fortress of Nerditude (zing!). At first, I think that it’s because it’d probably be hypocritical. After all, except for the ponytail (because, come on, ponytail) I’ve had the long hair and the goatee and the ironic t-shirt and even a damn pewter necklace. I think that I can’t make fun because I’ve most assuredly been here before. But then, after some thought, I realize I can’t make fun of these folks because, in the end, it’d all be so much sour grapes.

Harrowing Tale II: The Reharrowing

Mice: Surprise!
Birds: Surprise!
Gus: Duh, duh, duh... Happy Birthday!

- Mice, Birds and Gus (a heartwarming scene), Cinderella



Above all, self-control.

- Stepmother (a different scene), Cinderella



Don't know what it is I did so wrong,
Now I know what I got,
It's just this song.
And it ain't easy to get back, takes so long.

- Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone), Cinderella

Halfway Across the Sky

"Do or do not - there is no try"

Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back


"This world meets nobody halfway. If you want something, you gotta take it... as long as you lose like a winner, it doesn't matter... all you can do is try."

Lincoln Hawk, Over the Top


Boy I need your touch,
Your love, kisses, and such.
With all my might I try,
But this I can't deny:
I play it off but I'm dreamin' of you,
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin'.

Macy Gray, I Try

Harrowing Tale

Hello, all.

While I transition from not being sick to wanting to do anything but lie down and complain. I thought I might grace everyone with a poignant story that will go a ways toward showing a few failed attempts at social interaction. That way, when you read further stories (and there will be, I swear) about me triumphing over my very nature, you’ll be extra super impressed. This technique is what Lindsay Lohan refers to as “raising the stakes.”

Met: Ace

Met: Ace

“I just want you to know you got off kinda light with what you got, you know what I’m sayin’? I’m pretty sure I had a pistol on me that day.”

Chicago Cares Volunteer Project - Jackson Park

Chicago Cares Volunteer Project - Jackson Park

No more than fifteen seconds after I meet him, Ross is laying out a soft-spoken tirade about oak trees. Ross is older, be-flanneled, with long, gray hair tied in a ponytail. He also looks so much like John Denver that he may very well be some parallel universe's John Denver that put down his guitar one day and said “You know what, to hell with this guitar nonsense. I’m gonna be all about trees from now on,” and then spent a lot of times out in the woods and didn’t die.

Ross talks slowly (but without pausing) about the oak trees that have been around for 10,000 years and about the species of birds that could certainly find other feeding spots than here and that the overall response to the removal of the foreign plant species is less than informed. Here he stops for a moment, looks at me over his sunglasses and says in a low, conspiratorial tone that “this place is not without its controversies.”